It could have been a meet-cute in a romantic comedy between a man and a sa国际传媒渕utant.sa国际传媒�
After weeks of online flirting, Patrick Bardos was en route to meet Anne Marie Cerato for their first date at a coffee shop in downtown Toronto. He texted Cerato to let her know he was only a few blocks away on a packed streetcar crawling through rush-hour traffic. Cerato said she had just passed the same intersection. sa国际传媒淎re you wearing blue shoes?sa国际传媒� she asked.
Bardos looked down at his lapis-blue sneakers, then up to search for Cerato among the thicket of commuters. He felt a tap on his shoulder. Bardos turned around, and there was Cerato, just like the photo on her dating profile sa国际传媒� long dark hair and brown eyes sharpened by angular glasses. Better yet, unlike many of his previous dates, he was taller than her.
sa国际传媒淵ousa国际传媒檙e short,sa国际传媒� Bardos blurted out. sa国际传媒淏ut Isa国际传媒檓 short too. And thatsa国际传媒檚 not what I meant.sa国际传媒�
Bardos must have said something to redeem himself, because the two kept talking until the coffee shop closed. They decided to grab a bite at a nearby restaurant, and once again shut down the house. It was then Bardos realized that he was late for his own birthday celebration, so he rushed back to his apartment to attend to his peeved party guests, who spent the night listening to him rave about this woman he just met.
As smitten as Cerato, then 33, was with Bardos, she knew she didnsa国际传媒檛 have time to waste on a dead-end relationship. So on their second date, she decided to drop sa国际传媒渢he bomb.sa国际传媒�
Knowing Bardos was a comic book fan, Cerato tried to soften the blow by appealing to his superhero sensibilities. sa国际传媒淚sa国际传媒檓 not an alien,sa国际传媒� she said, sa国际传媒渂ut I am a mutant.sa国际传媒�
To Bardossa国际传媒� disappointment, Cerato admitted she wasnsa国际传媒檛 a member of the X-Men. However, she had been exposed to her fair share of radiation in treating a form of lung cancer driven by a genetic mutation.
After two years in remission, Cerato had recently learned her cancer had spread, and chances were, she wouldnsa国际传媒檛 be around in five years.
This was Bardossa国际传媒� chance to run for the hills, Cerato said. Bardos took a moment to consider his dilemma: How does one fall in love knowing loss is imminent?
When facing a disease with life-or-death stakes, matters of the heart may seem like a secondary concern. But cancer can serve as a sa国际传媒渓itmus testsa国际传媒� for a relationship sa国际传媒� and many fail, said Dr. Robert Rutledge, a Halifax radiation oncologist.
He said itsa国际传媒檚 not uncommon for people to sever ties, even marriages, with partners rather than confront the prospect of losing a loved one to cancer, and by proxy, face their own mortality.
But while some couples collapse under the strain of sickness, Rutledge said, for others, it can heighten emotional connections. The people who stand by their partners when the end seems near tend to be the ones who are worth the time patients have left, he said.
Sitting across from the sa国际传媒渕utantsa国际传媒� he was falling for, Bardos resolved to be that kind of partner for Cerato.
That was in fall 2011. Seven years later, Bardos and Cerato are married, own a house, have travelled the world and even celebrated their sa国际传媒�25th anniversary,sa国际传媒� adjusting their romantic milestones for love on a condensed timeline.
Before he met Cerato, Bardos said he would waver between ruminating about the past, and fretting about the future. Now, Bardos said hesa国际传媒檚 able to immerse himself in the moment, so he can spend it with her.
sa国际传媒淪he made me a better person, very quickly, just by being herself,sa国际传媒� he said.
At 40, Cerato said she has defied survival statistics thanks to recent developments in targeted-gene therapy. But knowing her time is finite, she was forced to decide what she could live without and whom she could not.
sa国际传媒淚 feel like, in a way, itsa国际传媒檚 a gift that I was able to realize that at 30 and not at 60.sa国际传媒�
For Morgan McNeely in Edmonton, this realization came a month before she turned 25 when she found out she had terminal stage-4 colon cancer.
After her diagnosis in 2015, McNeely found herself without her studies, her scientific research and her restaurant job, and short a few relationships she thought she could count on.
She suddenly had a lot of free time on her hands, so she and a friend decided to amuse themselves by swiping through Tinder.
McNeely turned down a number of propositions, including one lothario who offered to assist her in crossing items off her sa国际传媒渟exual bucket list.sa国际传媒�
She was expressly not looking for love sa国际传媒� the last guy she had dated split because of her sa国际传媒渃ancer dramasa国际传媒� sa国际传媒� but one of her Tinder matches proved persistent, and they started dating.
Having lost so much, McNeely was afraid to let her guard down. But he told her, sa国际传媒淚 see you beyond cancer.sa国际传媒� And soon, he helped McNeely see that too.
sa国际传媒淚 feel lucky every day, because of him,sa国际传媒� she said. sa国际传媒淚sa国际传媒檓 not happy I have cancer, but Isa国际传媒檓 still thankful for what itsa国际传媒檚 brought me.sa国际传媒�
Still, McNeely said disease can complicate a relationship. When she and her boyfriend got a cat together, McNeely said they had to consider whether he could take care of the pet without her. When they discuss the prospect of marriage, she worries about whether debts related to her illness would transfer to him after she dies.
This is the case for many terminal cancer patients: Their greatest concern is not their own death, but the impact it will have on loved ones they leave behind.
Julie Easley is all too familiar with this tension, not only as a social scientist whose research has focused on young people with cancer, but as a survivor who has suffered loss herself.
When Easley met Randy Cable at a bar in Fredericton in 2004, she felt an instant jolt of recognition. At 28, Easleysa国际传媒檚 life had recently been handed back to her after beating stage-2 Hodgkin lymphoma. Cable, then 29, had been diagnosed with colon cancer and told he had three months to live sa国际传媒� that day, the clock had run out.
From then on, it was love on borrowed time.
Easley knew the isolation that can come with fighting cancer. She was doing research at the hospital where Cable was being treated, so she started visiting him after work.
One night, Cable was too afraid to fall asleep, having been told he could go into cardiac arrest at any moment. Easley offered to stay over to monitor his breathing. She crawled into bed with him and put her hand over his chest, feeling it rise and fall as they both drifted off. After that, she slept over more often than not, holding hands throughout the night.
At times, it almost felt like they were a sa国际传媒渘ormalsa国际传媒� couple. To entertain themselves, they would pretend the reflection in the TV screen revealed another room in their imaginary apartment.
sa国际传媒淭heresa国际传媒檚 something about seeing that strength of character and that beauty of the human spirit when yousa国际传媒檙e stripped down to your most vulnerable state,sa国际传媒� she said. sa国际传媒淚 fell in love with that.sa国际传媒�
Easley said it took Cable some time to realize she was more than just the sa国际传媒済irl he was sleeping with.sa国际传媒� When Easley first told Cable she loved him, he fell silent. He had told his mother that his biggest regret was that he had never been in love, according to Easley, but she had proved him wrong. sa国际传媒淚 love you too,sa国际传媒� he said, eyes welling up with tears.
In fall 2005, little more than a year after they met, it became clear the end was near. Cablesa国际传媒檚 friends and relatives gathered around his bed, and he asked Easley to climb in with him. This time, instead of her holding him, he cradled her in his arms as he died at 31.
Thirteen years later, Easley continues to honour Cablesa国际传媒檚 memory through her work in the young adult cancer community, and feels grateful for the memories he gave her.
sa国际传媒淚f you ever truly want to know the value of life, you spend time with someone whosa国际传媒檚 fighting for every scrap of it,sa国际传媒� said Easley. sa国际传媒淚 knew it would end. The part I didnsa国际传媒檛 know is the unexpected beauty that happened within that.sa国际传媒�
The Canadian Press
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