It took nearly half a century for Birch Parlee to be herself.
Christened at birth in 1965 as Bernard Thomas, the first-born son of an evangelical minister, she spoke candidly with the Spotlight about her path.
sa国际传媒淚n about Grade 3 or 4, about the time I really became aware that boys and girls were different, I wanted to be a girl. I started to imitate girls and it didnsa国际传媒檛 take me long to find out that wasnsa国际传媒檛 coolsa国际传媒 lot of bullying and teasing followed me throughout my school years,sa国际传媒� she said.
sa国际传媒淭here was a sense of misalignment that I didnsa国际传媒檛 have any language to understand. I saw it as something fundamentally wrong with me.sa国际传媒�
Pressured to conform to family expectations and social norms, she was a church worship leader for 15 years.
sa国际传媒淚 buried it. I pushed it down. I lived a lie.sa国际传媒�
She grew a full beard and went so far as to pursue sa国际传媒渕anlysa国际传媒� occupations, was a commercial fisher for 15 years, and later a farmworker and truck driver.
Two marriages ended in divorce sa国际传媒渁nd a lot of heartachesa国际传媒hey both needed a man and I cannot be one. I think that would be the way to boil it down.sa国际传媒�
Birch is one of approximately 132,000 transgender people living across our nation, according to Statistics Canada.
While encouraging curiosity, she waves off the need for politically correct language.
sa国际传媒淚 donsa国际传媒檛 get my panties in a bunch about that.sa国际传媒�
Birch began coming out publicly about three years ago, shortly after moving to the community with her partner Saskia.
sa国际传媒淎 quite elderly woman in this town, who was attending a function at the library, walked up to me afterwards and said sa国际传媒榟ello.sa国际传媒� She asked me if I considered myself a woman or a man in a dress. For me, that wasnsa国际传媒檛 offensive. It was an opportunity for me to tell a bit of my story.sa国际传媒�
It was Saskia who created a space where Birch could be honest.
sa国际传媒淪askia was someone who loved me in a way that I felt safe and I could be honest with her. Once I was honest with her, out of those conversations, I finally was able to admit it to myself. I no longer felt there was something wrong with me. I am just different.sa国际传媒�
The relationship was already mostly devoid of gender roles and stereotypes. sa国际传媒淭he only thing that was different was that I was able to let go of pretending in any way of being a man, or trying.sa国际传媒�
Recently Birch changed her name and her legal gender and the two were married in August 2020.
sa国际传媒淚 am legally a woman and we are legally a lesbian couple, but she doesnsa国际传媒檛 really like labels.sa国际传媒�
Birch receives a hormone therapy of estrogen and progesterone and noted many transgender people regard questions about surgery sa国际传媒渁s nobody elsesa国际传媒檚 business.sa国际传媒�
She said: sa国际传媒淚n the initial phase, I couldnsa国际传媒檛 even comprehend it and I was perhaps in judgment of people who did it. In the beginning, I believed that it is whatsa国际传媒檚 inside that matters. The problem is outside is perpetually undermining your sense of inside and I think trans people do become a little bit obsessed with their appearance. It is an attempt to bring your inside and your outside into alignment.sa国际传媒�
Birch described the acceptance of the Princeton community sa国际传媒渁s almost unbelievably positive in many, many ways.sa国际传媒� Still, she added, sa国际传媒渢here are certain places I donsa国际传媒檛 go, where I donsa国际传媒檛 feel quite safe.sa国际传媒�
And she remarked with consternation on a recent Spotlight story about an altercation at a local bar allegedly incited by slurs against a transgender patron.
For the most part, Birchsa国际传媒檚 family, including two children, step-children and siblings, are supportive.
sa国际传媒淢y father tries,sa国际传媒� she said, sa国际传媒渂ut itsa国际传媒檚 hard.sa国际传媒�
When asked what advice she would give her younger self, she does not hesitate.
sa国际传媒淒onsa国际传媒檛 be afraid. Donsa国际传媒檛 hide. Find a way to be yourself. Itsa国际传媒檚 a journeysa国际传媒eople assume that I made a choice to be trans and people really need to understand it isnsa国际传媒檛 something you choose. Itsa国际传媒檚 something you are and the choice is whether or not you accept it.sa国际传媒�
Do you have something to add to this story, or something else we should report on? Email:andrea.demeer@similkameenspotlight.com
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